


SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

by nullvoid



Series: Shyan Playlist [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Poetic, Sara is here as the trusty best friend, Song: SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK (Joji), but this isn't written like a story so, don't be scared off by the OC, he's only mentioned by name and described in a couple of lines, is it pompous to call my own work poetic, maybe so, shane loves ryan but ryan doesn't feel it and that's okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullvoid/pseuds/nullvoid
Summary: Shane Madej was in love with Ryan Bergara. He knew he was. Ryan knew he was.Ryan Bergara was not in love with Shane Madej. He knew he wasn't. Shane knew he wasn't.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Marielle Scott, Shane Madej/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Shyan Playlist [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802245
Kudos: 16





	SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing fanfic in a number of years and I apologize.  
> Also, I have to say that I don't ship Shane and Ryan as people, I ship the way their personalities go together?? It's weird, talk to me about it if you want.

Shane Madej was in love with Ryan Bergara. He knew he was. Ryan knew he was.  
Ryan Bergara was not in love with Shane Madej. He knew he wasn't. Shane knew he wasn't.

And yet, here Shane was, wasted out of his mind and curled up on the floor as he spoke to Sara on speakerphone. They weren't able to meet up, but they were fine with long-distance suffering together.  
"I think I told him once that I'd wanted a polyamorous relationship with him and his girlfriend," Shane drawled, staring at the empty space under his bed. "But I was lying. I just wanted Ryan. I just want Ryan." Sara tutted.  
"You're getting pretty deep over there. Maybe it's time to stop for the night, huh?"  
"Sara, Sara, no.. I know what I'm saying. I love Ryan and it's just.. it's all bungled up."  
"Is bungled even a word?"  
"It's the.. principice of the thing."  
"Okay, I know principice isn't a word." Sara sighed. "Seriously, Shane. Here, I'm going to facetime you." Shane slapped at his phone haphazardly as the request came through, somehow managing to get Sara on the screen. "Oh, honey. C'mon, up off the floor." Shane groaned, but crawled off the ground, whining and complaining the whole time. He managed to flop into his bed, just barely comfortable enough to pass out.  
"Sara.. Sara, Ryan is all there is for me. I can't be alone forever, Sara." the brunette sighed again.  
"Shane, you're not going to be alone forever. You're a fantastic guy. Someone will come along and sweep you up just as much as Ryan does."

Shane doubted that. He sincerely wasn't capable of seeing a future where he was happy with anyone but Ryan Bergara. It was killing him, because, yes Shane was in love with him, but he also loved him. He wanted nothing more than for Ryan to be happy, safe, secure.

So, when Ryan announced his engagement to Mari, he smiled. He laughed, he whooped around with his colleagues, everyone sharing congratulations and well wishes. He loved the way Ryan and Mari worked together. He knew they were perfect.  
And yet, when Shane was alone at home that night, he found himself sitting in silence. He stared at a point on the wall and spiraled. One moment, he'd be feeling heartbroken and lonely. The next, he'd be getting angry at himself and feeling guilty for having any negative thoughts about his best friend getting married. Ryan was going to go on and live his happily ever after. The least Shane could do was feel happy for him. Happy that he would have that life, happy that he had found his safe and secure life.  
Happy that he had ended up with someone better than Shane.

The months flew by and the wedding came. It was absolutely gorgeous, perfect in every way. Mari had been stunning in a gorgeous traditional white gown that was the picture of sophistication and beauty. Ryan had cried when he saw her begin the walk to the altar.  
Shane cried when they shared their first dance.  
And in the bathroom before the reception.  
And on the way to the wedding.  
And when he woke up that morning.  
And when he had crawled into bed the night before, praying to whatever higher power that would listen to not let him wake up the next day.  
But he had woken up. And he went through the day, through the ceremony, through the reception, following his same lines of heartbreak and guilt.  
Alcohol helped, somewhat. Soon enough, he was just as shitfaced as he was so many months ago. He was lounging across two chairs, lying on his back with his head in Sara's lap as she sat in a third, separate chair.  
"Shane, it's not even midnight yet."  
"Alcohol doesn't know what time is." Sara sighed and brushed back some of her friend's hair.  
"... You know you're not a bad person, right?" The man scoffed.  
"If that were true, I wouldn't feel so guilty now, would I? Shane one, Sara zero." he slurred, holding up a pointer finger and nudging Sara's cheek with it. The brunette frowned and smacked his hand away lightly.  
"Shane, I'm serious. You've been in love with Ryan for years. This is the first time you're getting to see a physical manifestation of the rejection he gave you. It's normal for you to be feeling heartbroken and sad about it." Sara looked down when Shane hadn't had a witty remark, just to find the man asleep.

It was roughly a week later when Shane finally felt normal enough to reply to Ryan's messages. The only problem was, Ryan was on a phone call level and Shane wasn't entirely certain if he could get through hearing Ryan gush over the ceremony. However, he was ready to hear the comforting tone of his best friend's voice. He decided to bite the bullet and called the other man.  
"Shane! Holy shit, dude, I was convinced you were dead after I saw you at the reception!" Shane found himself already smiling softly at Ryan's voice.  
"Yeah, I was pretty sure I was dead too." He cleared his throat and looked down at his hand as it tapped an idle rhythm along his dining table. "So, how's the honeymoon?" Ryan laughed.  
"What, are you playing the role of my high school friend who fell off the face of the earth after graduation only to return for my wedding?"  
"I'm going to ignore how oddly specific that was and reiterate; genuinely, how is it? It must be nice getting to lounge around for a little while, just you and Mari." Ryan hummed, his voice softening.  
"This logical side of me wants to say it's no different from our life before the wedding, y'know? But this.. I dunno. It's so unbelievably peaceful, I can't describe it. There's this undercurrent of energy and love and.." Shane chuckled dryly and shook his head, leaning his head back and blinking. Somehow, his eyes had decided to water on their own.  
"It.. it sounds wonderful, buddy." Ryan was quiet for a moment.  
"How are you, Shane?" he asked finally, a serious mood entwined in his words. The man smiled tightly and let out a quiet breath.  
"Ryan, I am so happy for you. Mari is beautiful, kind, generous, genuine.. you could not have found a better person to spend the rest of your life with. You make such a perfect couple, and.. You know I'm actually genuinely happy for you, right?" he nearly whispered. "You know I just want you to be happy.." Ryan chuckled and sighed.  
"Yeah, buddy, I know. Hey, listen to me, though, okay? Don't get all in your head about this anymore. Sara told me you were feeling a little.. guilty about your feelings." Shane felt his jaw clench and was ready to throw up his emotional walls, but Ryan kept talking. "Shane, you're my best friend, my partner in crime. Nothing is ever going to break that bond, okay? It's you and me - the ghoulboys. Ride or die." Shane made a noncommittal noise, shrugging despite knowing the other man couldn't see him. "I'm serious, man. You have a place in my life. Mari's too." Shane was quiet, but he knew Ryan was being honest.

Shane got a counselor. He set goals and limits. He allowed himself to be more open and honest.  
Shane healed. He met a cute guy at the coffee shop he loved to frequent.  
Alex was a skeptic, a movie buff, a huge nerd. He knew all the ways to rile Shane up just as much as he knew all the ways to calm him down.

Shane was in love with Alex. He knew he was. Alex knew he was.  
Alex was in love with Shane. He knew he was. Shane knew he was.

They moved into a house together. After a few years, when the Bergara family grew, they became proud uncles and babysat frequently.  
Shane no longer felt the swoop in his stomach of guilt and jealousy when he saw Ryan and Mari. Instead, he saw an extension of his own family. He felt the deep love you feel in your blood, the love for someone who has become such a fixture in your life that it's only second nature to check up on them when there's a blackout or a bad storm. The love you feel when you plan birthdays, anniversaries, and holiday gatherings around each others' schedules without even having to talk about it.

Shane loved Ryan. Shane loved Mari, too. He loved Alex, loved the Bergara kids, loved their pets.  
Shane Madej loved his family.

**Author's Note:**

> The reason this is formatted so weirdly is because it's actually sort of a journal entry I made about my feelings of my best friend (who I've been in love with for god knows how long) getting engaged to their partner. Some of these conversations actually happened in real life, you decide which ones lmaooo  
> I leave you with this; the happy ending is not always two people falling in love. Sometimes it's about someone learning to love the things around them instead.


End file.
